exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
