i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
