he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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