i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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