Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
