just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
