hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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