anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
