It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
