dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
