party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
