Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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