Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
