Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I deserve this hangover.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
