Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
