with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
