just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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