kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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