I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
