I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
