so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
