I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize