Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
