I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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