i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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