i think my tv is drunk
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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