I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
