So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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