i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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