We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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