Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
