Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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