Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just blew my weed a kiss
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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