Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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