So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
