he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
