Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
