a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
