Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my shit smells like andre
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
