Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
