so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
