I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
