what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
