She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
