Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
