Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
