I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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