Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His nipple licking is glorious
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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