bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
