I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
