dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
