She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
