Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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