I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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