i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
