I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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