My liver just broke up with me...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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