Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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