I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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