i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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