3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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