She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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