i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
