I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
