Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this boner is exhausting
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
