It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
