I'd wear matching sweaters with you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
