whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
