girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
