It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
