the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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