Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
