dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
